How much sex is too much sex? What do you do if your husband (or wife) refuses to take no for an answer?
So for women who are looking forward to all the sex they will have when they get married. I have news for you.
You just might get what you ask for… and then some!
There are tons of women out there who feel like their spouse wants too much sex. It was great in the beginning when it was just the two of you with minimal responsibilities and lots of free time.
But times change. We get busier at work. Oh and then there’s the whole pregnancy and kids thing.
In other words, WE ARE JUST TOO TIRED!!
But just to clarify the question and attempt to answer it before we get ahead of ourselves…
What IS too much sex?
Depends on whom you ask!
There is a scene in a Woody Allen movie where a man and his wife go to see a counselor and the counselor asks them both how often they have sex.
One person answered. “About four times a week. Too much!”
The other person answered “About four times a week. Not enough!!!”
So now that we’ve clarified the fact that there are really no rules around what is considered too much sex because that solely depends on whom you ask, let’s now deal with some of the issues that arise when couples have this as a problem they are dealing with.
The problem is when one of you wants sex all the time it can become overwhelming for your partner. They will begin to feel like regardless of how much sex they give you, you’ll just demand more!
This can be confusing for the both of you because it is possible that at the beginning of your relationship, you had similar drives and were having sex 7 days a week. Then, your partner’s sex drive is reduced, so you are now having sex 3 times a week. In an attempt to be accommodating, that same partner grudgingly agrees to up that number to 4 times a week, however, the sex starved partner still feels that is not enough, leaving their partner feeling like their efforts to be accommodating are not being appreciated. Enter anger, frustration and resentment (from both parties). You can only imagine what happens next with this couple!
It is hard to feel loved and to want to be intimate with someone who is angry with you.
The sex starved partner has to keep in mind that the best way to get your spouse to not do something you would like them to, is to demand it angrily.
This will kill their motivation any day and give rise to the feeling of reluctance.
A partner who asks for too much sex needs to realize they can’t make demands. They can not get into a funk when their spouse does not want to have sex.
For example, most women in as much as they love sex (shocked? Don’t be men, we love sex just as much) don’t always want sex. For example, those 3-5 days every month that they are on their period is a chance for them to take a break from thinking about or having sex. This helps them enjoy it more later on.
There are lots of couples who had a great sex life but as life goes on things happen and one of them no longer wants as much sex as they used to. Might be kids, could be a medical condition. It could be that the woman no longer feels attractive. If her husband is frustrated by a reduction in the frequency of sex, he needs to learn to stop making demands. Somehow he just needs to rise above the disappointment. It is not the end of the world if your spouse doesn’t want to have sex – sometimes.
Just learn not to make demands of your spouse. Learn to make requests. A request means the other person can deny what you asked without having to pay some penalty such as silent treatment, resentment, revenge etc.
What if your spouse refuses to take no for an answer? Let your partner know they are well on their way to never having you say yes to ANYTHING anymore. It is not a threat, it is just more a way to have conversation to say, listen, you are being more demanding than you are understanding, so can we talk about why you are being demanding at the moment?
This is also where very open communication is important. If you are able to effectively express how you are feeling to each other, you are able to agree whose needs are priority at any given time and agree who is going to have to sacrifice their own needs. If you love each other and are effective in the way you communicate, I find that this helps deal with this situation effectively.
So for couples just starting off, be aware that this is one of the possible issues you might have to deal with at some point in your relationship. How do you avoid it? or in the least – Solve it if it ever arises? You prepare yourself by working on open and effective communication with your spouse. It will go a long way in helping you develop a sexual relationship that you are both happy with for the lifetime of your marriage.
Sex is a beautiful thing! Let’s learn to effectively talk about our needs… openly and honestly!
Here’s to cloud nine and beyond,
ZeeZee is a certified Relationship and Marriage Coach who believes her purpose in life is to equip couples with the right tools for a successful relationship. Through her website and YouTube channel she shares practical tips and principles that help couples understand the inner workings of a healthy marriage.