There’s no escaping it! In-law drama is real.
Even if you prayed before you got married for your spouse-to-be’s parents to already “be with the Lord” – absolutely no judgment here :), you will find that there is some relative of your spouse somewhere who steps in to create this much-dreaded drama.
Today, we are talking about mothers-in-law. “The chieftains of in-law drama” someone once said. Yikes!
It won’t be easy, but someone’s gotta talk about it. Pray for me!
First, i’d like to say that your mother-in-law is far from being a monster. Sometimes, it becomes important to really search out the true intentions behind the actions that these women take that seem so evil when viewed with “normal” eyes. Begin to see her mean streak as her way of protecting her precious child that you married. If you are a parent, you’d understand how you will save your child from any danger you “perceive” them to be in. For most mothers, the clear and present danger becomes this girl/guy in their child’s live, who’s come to steal them away in order to render her irrelevant.
Yes! Your spouse falling in love with you is perceived as them falling out of love with her. So she strikes out – at you!
Understand her actions from this perspective and it makes it all the more easier to LOVE her.
Mmhmm! That’s what you have to do, love this woman with everything you have. Now, i’m not saying that means that she should overstep her boundaries, or get under your skin with every chance she is given, but in all this, if you see her as a mother just holding on to her ‘precious cargo’, it changes that feeling of anger you have to one of true understanding.
Talking about boundaries, unfortunately, they have to be reinforced by her spawn. Not you! There is no way she wouldn’t see you as the enemy, if you are the one straightening her out when she is out of line, while her own child doesn’t say a word. Of course you will be considered the enemy! Her son/daughter has to be the one to let her know what the boundaries are with her meddling in your lives – that’s her child, she’ll take it better from them not some stranger who is insistent on taking her place in her child’s life.
This of course won’t happen if you and your spouse do not have a solid friendship, where ANYONE who comes between you two is considered a threat to be managed with immediate effect. Disagree all you want…even the bible has asked that we ‘abandon’ anything or anyone who was very important to us, the moment we get married. Abandon of course doesn’t infer disregard, it just implies that you should never put any other person’s interests above those of your spouse. If you both have this down-packed, it makes life so much easier where momsie is told to take a chill pill and tread in your home with respect and tolerance for her newly “imposed” child.
So what do you do? Just sit there and take those side eyes and snide comments that make you want to kick her out on the street?
Nope. Your job is to reassure her! Let her know that you cherish her presence in your life. Without her, you wouldn’t have your bae. Right? As the old saying goes, “put yourself in her shoes”. If you gave birth to a tiny little human being, watched them grow up all their life, then see them end up in the claws of another, you wouldn’t want to give them up so easy. You will try as much as you can to remain relevant in their life, even if it means making up things in your head to convince yourself that this new addition to the family, isn’t any good for your precious child.
Love wins! All the time. Buy her gifts, take her for a mani/pedi or massage. Tell her how precious she is to you and your spouse and never disrespect her. Loving your mother-in-law will cause your spouse to bat for you if s/he notices that their mother is ever unfair with you. Love that woman and watch how your relationship with her changes for the best.
Here’s to a renewed relationship with your MIL!
ZeeZee is a certified Relationship and Marriage Coach who believes her purpose in life is to equip couples with the right tools for a successful relationship. Through her website and YouTube channel she shares practical tips and principles that help couples understand the inner workings of a healthy marriage.