Are you newly married or recently engaged and absolutely disagree with your spouse’s opinion on what a good “baby-producing” timeline should look like? Or perhaps you have talked the issue into the ground but you just don’t seem to be making any headway?

This was the case of a young lady who approached me with the question of what to do, as he wants to start having kids immediately they get married and she doesn’t!

My response was a big fat NO! And the reasons are very simple and stress-reducing!

First, i’ll ask you a question; How well do you know your spouse?

Regardless of how long you have dated/courted you have never been married to them before. You need time to learn more about each other, you need time to learn how to respond to each other (especially at times when you’d rather wring their neck for frustrating you than talk nicely to resolve conflict…hey, it happens!), you need time to just BE with each other!

Once the babies start coming, this time you have taken to know more about each other will literally be the foundation you have laid for your marriage to stand regardless of the pressure having a new born brings (yes, they are a joy but let’s see how you handle all those sleepless nights, constant diaper changes with having to work and keep the intimacy ALIVE with your beloved spouse).

Have you both discussed your immediate future plans (going back to school in a few months, finishing a doctorate, building financially together to begin the process of investing for the future etc), you need to understand what each of your goals are (career ones especially) and work towards merging them to create a plan for the next few years.

You need time to do all this PLUS explore each other *wink*. I’m not asking that you wait forever because you want to become a zillionaire before you get married, NO! I’m asking that you understand what the two of you expect out of your life together and work towards making that plan clear (you can’t predict the future, but at least you can plan) before you add an innocent third (or fourth…could be twins or more…Yikes!) person into your mix.

I hear you ask “So how long is a good time to wait, ZeeZee?” Frankly, the best answer for this question lies within the both of you, please search for it. I can tell you a year – the video tells you how long i waited :), but things might not have “come together” at that exact time. However, i can add that at the minimum, you need to wait this long. Waiting also doesn’t mean you don’t prepare. It isn’t a time to be idle. Read books, attend ‘baby’ conferences (do they have those? :)), learn as much as you can to understand how life changes once the baby arrives.

“What if my spouse still refuses?” Then you both need to negotiate…make it a win-win, remember, in marriage, you can’t always have it your way!

Thanks so much for watching, reading and sharing this with someone in your life that this could help mightily. It’s always great having this time with you each week.

Standing by your side,

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About ZeeZee

ZeeZee is a certified Relationship and Marriage Coach who believes her purpose in life is to equip couples with the right tools for a successful relationship. Through her website and YouTube channel she shares practical tips and principles that help couples understand the inner workings of a healthy marriage.