There is nothing more heart breaking than one getting wind of their spouse’s infidelity. It literally brings everything to a halt! Trust is a major part of any relationship and once it is eroded, it becomes extremely difficult to live a fully gratifying life with your spouse with this ‘situation’ lurking in the background. So, now that you aware of your new reality, it surely becomes important to deal with it in a way that keeps you sane and ‘far away’ from your spouse who’s hurt you so bad. Right?

The thoughts start pouring in, “Should i stay? or Should i go?” Your first instinct; “Of course i am leaving! How can a person i loved so much betray me this way?” but then you hear a voice “But what about the kids? Do you want to deprive them from a loving parent? This is your battle not theirs! And even though you can take care of them and yourself without needing assistance, is this the precedence you want to set for your son and daughter? That it is ok to run away from their problems?” The thoughts keep flowing and you begin to see reason why you should probably work on keeping your marriage alive. This whole thing shook you to the core and you want to proceed with extreme caution and even though you’ve heard how sorry they are for breaking your heart and blah blah, you want to know how exactly you can pump life back into your relationship once again…after this debacle.

This article intends to give you a few pointers that will help you on your way. It is purposed to help you know what commitments to demand of your spouse in a case where you have decided to forgive and build your relationship once again. First, i’d like to say that this is a very brave step on your part and as long as you are both committed to the process that follows, your marriage could actually stand the test of time. So what does your spouse have to commit to?

1. He/She must be willing to admit their indiscretions – You will not have emotional closure if they keep denying the fact that they engaged in an “unholy” act. Of course it might be hard for them to tell you what and why and where it all happened (Don’t insist on the details of the affair as it won’t make you feel better, I promise. Fight this urge!) but the mere acceptance that it DID happen and shouldn’t have is a great first step to your healing.

2. He/She can’t insist on hiding things away from you any longer – Unfortunately, if they want this marriage to work, they’ve got to declare what they are doing and with such openness that you begin to know everything about them, from their whereabouts with friends you never approved of, to how long they will be at that meeting, to where they are at every moment of the day. They must be ready to be extremely open!

3. He/She needs to get a health check – This is a straightforward request as you do not know what the person they were with might have had. Better safe than sorry! Get tested yourself too.

4. He/She can’t be associated anymore with the individual – Again, how are you supposed to move forward with your marriage if the perpetrator is still lurking around? They must be put in the past even if it involves your spouse switching teams, supervisors or even jobs.

And last but certainly not least;

5. He/She must be committed to building new memories with you – This will help to wipe out the old ones from the affair. What better way than to go back to the times when things were better and begin to build on those times. Again, if you are BOTH committed to this process it mean the difference between your marriage standing or breaking down.

Watch the video for further reasons why these are the steps that could save your marriage. Now i know that there is not a ‘one size fits all’ solution as peculiar situations arise, especially since every relationship differs. The intention here is to guide you to apply something new that just might work in your particular situation. If you have a mind blowing one that you might be unclear how to handle, feel free to reach out to me. Good luck!

Here’s to all your efforts to rebuild,

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About ZeeZee

ZeeZee is a certified Relationship and Marriage Coach who believes her purpose in life is to equip couples with the right tools for a successful relationship. Through her website and YouTube channel she shares practical tips and principles that help couples understand the inner workings of a healthy marriage.