Fixing your relationship by working with a marriage coach is actually more effective than most people think. All you need to do is keep these 5 key points in mind.

If you have ever read or listened to any of my messages, you will notice that I am constantly encouraging you to seek help for your marriage (whether you believe you have issues or not) because I believe that even if you think it is great now, it can certainly be better. My messages are based of the inner workings of what keeps a marriage together and what tears it apart!

In previous posts, I answered questions relating to the necessity of working with a marriage coach and today, thought i should share with you the practical ways to get the best out of marriage coaching. My experience with couples has taught me that it is possible for one to go through these sessions and walk out of them feeling totally confused and unsure of their next steps. I hope to illuminate that dimly lit path of unknowing.

So, you have decided to seek out and consult with a marriage coach. First, I will like to congratulate you because you have just taken a very bold step to the beginning of the best years of your life! While I might be sounding too fired up and optimistic, I know exactly what I mean by saying that. Fixing your marriage or getting tips to make it better, simply eases out your life. You sleep better, your work duties are handled with more verve, you relate with people better and generally live a happier life! All this JUST BECAUSE you have taken care of your most important relationship.

Think about it, when you have a disagreement with your spouse and you head off to work, doesn’t that affect you in the least bit? We know how it feels, pretending to the world that we have it all together, yet nursing a festering hurt!

To get the best out of marriage coaching;

#1 – Ensure that you have found a coach you are comfortable with. One who offers you flexible methods of engagement with them and handles ALL the concerns that might have prevented you in the past from seeking counseling. For instance, if your privacy was a major concern in the past, you do not have to be forced to visit them in their practice alone. They should also be able to counsel you using the many ways that technology has afforded us e.g. Skype. Personally, I am quite technologically challenged (unbelievable how so much has changed), but began to understand the extreme importance of learning how to leverage it as these days, most of the world connects this way. I’ve coached a few couples who during the periods of our sessions together, were in different continents from each other – and me!

#2 – Flexible meeting times are important. A ‘Monday – Friday 9am to 5pm’ coach’s schedule might just not cut it for you. Aren’t these the hours people generally work? I find that a lot of couples seeking help for their marriage, give up once they are faced with conflicting schedules with their coach. Flexibility will help answer the question; “how can we get counseling with such a hectic schedule?”

In the same vain, if nothing can be done to arrive at an agreed upon meeting time, find a counselor that has workshops where you could spend your weekend with other like minded couples OR one that has an audio or visual coaching system that you could help yourself to in order to get the same pertinent information, at your convenience. These systems always give you complete access to your coach in the event that you need extra support or require answers to any questions that may arise.

#3 – Keep an open mind. Once you decide to get coached, it is important that you arrive at each session with an open mind. A closed mind will only spell disaster, as your coach will be unable to get to the heart of the matter without you engaging truthfully with them. What I tell my couples is this: “You’ve made it out this far, might as well let it all hang out!”

Keeping anything back just sets you up for an incomplete coaching experience. Ever heard what happened to the darkness when a flicker of light was introduced? Yes, the light shines right through. Stop hiding! Surely it hasn’t been helping you so far. Open up and see the freeing results of just being vulnerable and not so clogged up. Listen, ask questions to clarify and then apply what you have heard. Open minds are imperative in the entire coaching process.

#4 – Say after me, “the only person i can control…is me!”. Since you have found yourself talking with a marriage coach, I am certain you went with the expectation to hear from the coach how your spouse has been responsible for all the issues you have faced in your relationship, right? A trait that most women possess is the “I am fine and you are the one that needs to change, I am in counseling just to support you!” one. Most couples are ready to hear how their spouse has to change their ways before they are able to enjoy a new and improved relationship. I’d hate to be the one…no scratch that…I’d LOVE to be the one to let you know that you can’t be further from the truth.

Research has shown that the couples who emerge successfully from coaching sessions are the ones who go in with the mindset to learn what THEY might have been doing wrong and are determined to change. If you intend to listen for your spouse in your sessions, you have lost the entire plot and will not experience a renewed relationship. We have all heard that we should BE the change we want to SEE in others! The same truth applies when you and your spouse decide to receive counseling. I always like to say that in marriage, who’s right and who’s wrong in an argument, is totally subjective. You do not get far in your journey to fix your relationship if you are constantly pointing at your spouse. Just remember that as one finger points to them, at least three point right back at you! Go to counseling and hear ways YOU can make changes to transform your relationship.

#5 – Show courage by being vulnerable! Finally, I advise couples that being courageous will help them get the best out of marriage counseling. What do I mean by courageous? In worldly terms, I actually mean the opposite! I want you to go to counseling with the intention of being absolutely vulnerable. Not quite what you expected huh?! Well I am pleased to let you know that embracing vulnerability is not cowardly as most think. Your true feelings are made bare helping your coach find the fixes that are best fit for your relationship. It is then all left for you to accept and implement their suggestions if you truly want to see any changes in your relationship.

For everyone who really wants to know, vulnerability doesn’t mean weakness (as widely misunderstood by many), it actually stems from a greek word that means courage. Courage to step away from your comfort zone. Anyone who is able to bare their soul regardless of what they fear the outcome to be, and anyone who is open minded enough to take and implement suggestions from someone, is actually a Hero…not a Zero! (Sorry, I know that was corny, just couldn’t help myself). So again I say, Be a Hero, NOT a Zero!

Again, the purpose of seeing a marriage coach is totally defeated if you do not know the ways in which you can get the best out of that encounter. Time is precious and so is money, so why waste your time going through a process without knowing what to do to make it count.

May courage be yours as you begin working towards achieving your goal of a better marriage.

Much love,

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About ZeeZee

ZeeZee is a certified Relationship and Marriage Coach who believes her purpose in life is to equip couples with the right tools for a successful relationship. Through her website and YouTube channel she shares practical tips and principles that help couples understand the inner workings of a healthy marriage.